Nobody wants to deal with a relationship break. No matter how complicated the relationship is, people fear the breakup more than the relationship’s actual problems. Firstly, your most-cherished relationship is now almost nothing. Secondly, the process of healing after a breakup feels like a painfully long road. Healing after breakup takes up one’s time and mindspace more than anything else.
Our head is filled with all kinds of negative thoughts and the heart aches with the separation pangs.
Before we start with this topic, remember that ‘this feeling too shall pass.’ You might feel helpless, and the future might look bleak, but you WILL heal from this. And when you do, you’ll see that you’ve learned some important life lessons. Romantic relationships, and especially breakups, are where we have the most personal growth.
Right now, it seems impossible to move past this phase. But your heart does finally start healing from a breakup.
How to begin healing after a breakup?
You cannot wake up after the day after a breakup and order the heart to get over it.
There are several ways to begin the heart healing process. Since it is not a precise science, you cannot use the exact ingredients to pull yourself out of the mental horror as someone else. However, the main element that most relationship experts recommend is zero contact.
It’s almost impossible to get over a relationship if you maintain contact with your ex. Ex-lovers staying platonic friends might be a good theme for a sitcom, but not for healing after a breakup. Healing after breakup needs a more realistic approach.
Start to physically and mentally get out of the relationship. And allow time to get over the memories. If you hold on to every bit of your relationship memories, then guilt and ‘what if’ questions would cloud your brain.
Do you have matching pendants? It is best to remove it and keep it out of sight. There will be a day when this pendant might mean nothing to you, and you could wear it because it goes well with your outfit. But, today, it is a token of your lost relationship and can only cause you pain. You have to take the steps to get out of your head and back into the real world.
As your heart heals, you will start to notice that the signs of a broken relationship are fading out of your mind, and you begin to be you finally.
How will you know whether you are going in the right direction in the healing phase? Here are some subtle and clear indications that confirm that you are finally recovering from a breakup.
Signs that your heart is healing after a breakup
It is not a physical wound, so you can’t visibly see the healing process. The heart and soul are complicated when it comes to love. And the healing process is also complicated. Only you can recognize whether you are healing or still brooding over the t-shirt that he left behind.
Most of the early signs of healing after a breakup are quite subtle and very personal. Watch for any signs of optimism, feeling of growth, or emotional calm.
These are some symptoms of your heart healing.
Sign 1: You are no longer emotionally or spiritually empty
Right after a breakup, you feel like there is no reason to get out of bed. There is no point in giving attention, effort, or hope to anything. Things around you and those that mattered to you have become less meaningful. There is a feeling of emptiness.
The first sign of healing is the hope that you feel. It might be about something simple, like caring for a plant or picking up your camera to click something beautiful.
By this time, you start to notice the world around you. Subtle workplace jokes again would feel funny. You might feel like doing something and not feel monotonous about it. Yet, this does not indicate that you are magnificent and healed. This step is just the beginning of healing after a bad relationship breakup.
You would still be grieving, everything would remind you of the relationship, and you might even cry in the shower. However, the hope that your heart experienced is the sign that everything will soon be fine.
Sign 2: What about tomorrow?
The thought of the future without your special one was depressing. Your mind wanders back to the past, reliving the days leading to the breakup. Maybe even picturing a different way of dealing with those fights so that the split never occurred. You were perhaps fantasizing about the return of the loved one.
Later, these fantasies might turn into anger toward your partner, which could end up as anger at yourself for any mistakes you made. Pretty soon, anger becomes self-pity. You come to believe that there is no future for you.
The second sign of healing after a breakup is the ability to move forward.
- You stop living in the past
- Coming to terms with the relationship being over happens, and you want to start afresh
- You might redo the wardrobe
- Perhaps you change the outlook on relationships in general
- You may go on a shopping spree
- Hanging out with friends starts happening after a long time.
- You are recovering from a breakup if you stopped reliving the breakup.
Sign 3: The creative side of you in healing after a breakup
For a heart and mind to be creative, you should feel things, have new experiences, and be open to new surroundings. You may feel grief, happiness, or anger. Any of these can bring you the need to be creative.
Some start to write poems, pick up their journal to scribble away their feelings, or even paint. These creative endeavors could express pain, loneliness, anger, and other feelings. However, this sign shows that you are now able to express your emotions in a quantifiable way.
During the early stages of the breakup, it would have been impossible for you to elaborate on the pain you were enduring. At this stage of healing after breakup, you are now trying to channel your moods. Once you express emotion, you start to feel lighter and free.
Sign 4: Your energy is back after healing from a breakup
Emotional fatigue can pull you down like a rock. Even the most active person with a lively routine would restrict the day to bare minimum activities. Even a trip to Walmart to buy bread would be a challenging task. Your brain and mind would be exhausted because of handling grief.
Even if you are not crying or screaming into the pillow, the fact that you lost someone important in your life would have pulled you down. However, when your heart starts healing after a breakup, the hope returns, and energy follows.
You will suddenly find time to exercise, catch up with some activities and hobbies. Calls will begin again to your friends for light conversations. It feels like you suddenly have a lot of free time to focus on yourself.
When your energy is back, you start to socialize. As you socialize, the fear of being alone, the anger, and the residue of breakup slowly vanish. The process of healing after a breakup will be faster when you add people to it. At this stage, when you get reminded of your relationship as you walk past your favorite restaurant as a couple, you can snap out of it. And you’ll start new activities like going for a walk, trying a new restaurant, and more.
This sign is the indication that happiness has reentered your life. Slowly the frequency of getting reminded of the past diminishes. The signs of a breakup or a broken heart gradually reduce.
Sign 5: Your brain starts the healing after a breakup
As far as up to sign 4, we talked mainly about the heart. The signs of healing were all emotion-oriented. There was no logic to what you were believing and how you were acting. Everything depended on feelings.
However, to completely get out of the breakup’s horrible phase, your logic organ has to join. Once your brain starts to heal, you truly understand that you are going to be okay.
You start to understand that those feelings of loneliness, sadness, self-pity, or guilt were expected but are no longer acceptable for your healing. This stage is when you are all set to move on with your life.
The other sign that you are healing is, you no longer worry about healing after a breakup. You might not realize that you have healed, but you no longer think about recovery. You have other milestones and targets to focus on in your personal and professional life.
Does sign five means the healing is complete?
No, complete healing takes a long time. The signs of a broken heart might stick around for a while. You might find it hard to trust people or feel cautious about getting into a relationship. Sign five means you are actively healing from a breakup, and you are not stagnating in the past.
Healing after a breakup: Are there more stages and signs?
These signs of healing do not necessarily occur in the same order. Some might start the healing process with the brain and then push the heart into it. Many begin with expressing their thoughts through journals before even getting emotional pain. The heart is unique, and the way it heals is unusual and various from person to person. There is no right or wrong way to heal from a breakup.
What happens when we get stagnated at a stage?
Remember that these signs do not occur at an equal interval. You can’t know if you will get to the second sign after a certain number of days from the first sign. The heart and mind don’t work like that. When healing a broken mind, soul, and spirit, one might take a longer time to recover than another.
So, how to boost or increase the speed of healing after a breakup? Experts recommend not to rush through it. When people hurry through the healing process, they force their emotions down deep. However, it is essential to feel the feelings and deal with them.
Don’t run toward the end of the healing process to get it over with. Yes, the process of healing is a horrible and painful one. But repressing your feelings means they might crack open and cause you to lash out at someone later without a valid reason.
It is essential to feel your emotions, allowing you to deal with them, heal, and move happily forward.
However, suppose you do get stuck at some stage. In that case, the best way to speed up the process is by introducing new activities and experiences. Socializing helps to speed up the process for many.
Running towards a rebound love or fling might be counterproductive. Similarly, trying to be one step ahead of your ex in starting a new love could be exhausting too.
If nothing seems effective, you can always try a therapy session. Therapy does not mean there is something wrong with you. It helps if you have a way to express your feelings and move on.
Try to remember that a broken heart will soon get mended, and your life will get back to normal.
You can start healing from a breakup today. Keep up the growth process, and you will come out on the other side as a new and deeper soul.
You are not supposed to be by yourself forever just because this one relationship ended sourly. Get up, dust yourself off, and move towards your happiness. You deserve to be happy!